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THE ABDUCTION OF LADY ROWENA
CHAPTER 1 THE KOBOLD FOREST
As they finish readin' the dire announcement so posted on the Cromby Towne Board, Ergo Ironfist done turns to the others and be a-sayin' serious-like, "Friends, you are of the same mind as I am, I believe. I suggest that we have a talk and discuss how we should approach this. Already we have three options, methinks. We can visit the Honorable Severin for more information or Lord Byron for that matter, or we could search the Grove of Ferdon the Blind for clues."
"Whatever ye decide is fine with me," Morganth be replyin'. That there small, white-haired sorcerer shrugs his frail shoulders then, rather wearily, takes a seat on the ground. "I'll just sit here 'til everyone gets their thoughts together. Perhaps I will take a nap..."
He lays back and shuts his eyes, fallin', as he be wont, into a mood o' carefreeness. That be Morganth for yous. Always tryin' his darndest best to look at the world through rose-colored spectacles. He be a-dyin' you see; at least, he thinks he be. That something be wrong with him, that be sure, and he be a-seein' a need to detach himself from the world and live for the moment that he may have no regrets for when the time comes. If ye be a-askin' me though...
Suddenly, there be a low, long growl o' anger and frustration. It be Owidd, that ghoulish missionary o' Oa. O' the group, it be frightenin'ly clear that he be the most shocked, most affected by such dastardly news. Struck mute he be for moment and nigh well did he faint. Indeed, me friends, he be swayin' like a hewn tree about to fall. With great effort, he overcomes the righteous indignation that be a-wrackin' his whole body and doth shakes a gnarled fist in the air.
"By all that is holy," he exclaims, his face contorted in pain at the though o' the poor Lady Rowena in the hands o' such minions o' evil, "and by the pick and shovel of the High Lord Oa, Bringer of Justice and Vengeance himself, we cannot let this pass, brothers!
"We must organize, find all that information that we can, and hunt down the cruel, heartless barbarians who would dare touch her royal personage, befoul her with their very presence, their stinking breath cloying the very air she breaths! Down with the criminal lady snatchers! To their deaths they must go, my brothers, and not quickly, no, slowly, painfully. They must taste of the bitter fount from which they would have the Lady Rowena drink!"
Har! Har! What a character this Owidd be! He be remindin' me o' the misogynistic deacons o' the Spindled City at the height o' the Witch Burnin' Season o' '64. Now there be a bunch o' guys what knows to have fun durin' a bonfire.
To everyone's embarrassment, a crowd o' villagers gathers around them, attracted as they be by the holy man's rantin's.
"So we must go, brothers," Owidd be continuin', "go now. Let us do all that you said, Brother Ergo. To Lord Severin's, to Lord Byron's, and to the holy ground from which the Lady Rowena has vanished. Let us make haste, my brothers, for the poor, gods-fearing woman must even now be suffering the very worst of indignities at the hands of those deprived ones who took her. Let us go! We are off!"
That said, Owidd turns and marches, the crowd be easily partin' before him. It be clear that he means to search for the Lady Rowena and rescue her then and there, by himself if need be, though he be goin' in the wrong direction. Everyone be a-knowin' that the Honorable Severin, Lord Byron, and the Grove all lay to the north and he be headin' south.
Gie and Riverwood could only shake their heads in disbelief, even as Ergo's face be contortin' into a scowl. Though they be but newly acquainted with the priest o' Oa, they have heard o' him from their friends and fellow adventurers and have not believed all that they have been told. They be a-seein' now the error o' their ways.
"Owidd," Ergo growls, grabbin' the blusterous cleric by the arm, "we works as a team! It is the best way to help the Lady Rowena." He done gestures to the others. "Come then. We have matters to discuss and supplies to buy. The day is late and we've much to do if we are to quit this place by morning. You heard me, by morning."
He be a-nudgin' the sleepin' sorcerer with the tip o' his boot and walks back into the Helmet Hall, with Owidd in tow lest the priest be overcome anew by his overwhelming piety.
Gie nods his head. "Aye, by morning," he be a-mutterin' as he and young Riverwood be a-followin' suit.
Leanin' on his walkin' staff for support, Morganth grumbles at being disturbed thus from his reveries and struggles to his feet. Catchin' himself, he shrugs and limps after the others.
Har! Har! What a motley crew we be havin' here! What a cruel humor fate has to be a-throwin' together so such a group! Be they havin' what it takes to face what lies ahead? Huhn! Only time will be a-knowin' fer the future be highly uncertain-like and none be a-privy to the secrets that the future be harborin', not even I and I be a-tellin' this story.
Now I be not a-botherin' the likes o' yous with the borin' details o' that which follows next. Verily, Ergo has already hit upon the gist o' their dilema. Let it be sufficin' to say that a round or two o' ale be bought before the eve be past and gone and thrice be the times that Owidd's fervor got the better o' him and had to be restrained; in the end, he had to be tied to his seat to keep him from marchin' off the save the good Lady Rowena from the clutches o' evil. A quick trip to the Cromby Towne Trade Post and off they go to the estates o' the Honorable Severin astride newly bought steeds.
The group be a-leavin' early the next mornin'. They be a-quitin' the humble village in all haste as they must, knowin' full well that other seekers o' bounty and adventurers be o' the same mind and situated be they are, far from the abodes o' the Honorable Severin and Lord Byron and from the Grove o' Ferdon the Blind, they be well aware o' their disadvantage and hence must make good their time if they be a-wantin' to get to the fair Lady Rowena before the others.
It be dark still, oh aye, the sun not to rise for a couple o' hours yet. But fortune be a-dancin' with these our hardy fellers and the Fates be a-lookin' down upon them with favor for the moons, all five o' them be out and though but only one o' them be full and shinin' bright, the sky be clear and calm and thus the land be basked in sufficient twilight as to accommodate such hasty travelin'.
However, generous as they be turnin' out to be this fine mornin', the Fates be full o' mirth and mischief. There be a slow but icy wind a-blowin', nippin' at each man like a pup full o' play, teasin' him for the fool that he be for leavin' the comforts o' a snug bed and a warm room, with gently-spiced honey mead murmurin' in one's stomach.
But alas! There be no helpin' it. For the hope o' hopes, the gem o' the world, the bane o' the Beast, she be troubled and what could decent-born men, one and all, do but answer her call.
Travel for the next couple of days soon turns out to be quite uneventful-like. Oh, aye. To be sure, they met one too many bored farmers and cynic grizzled woodcutters and had close calls with several savvy merchants and peddlars of useless trinket; clear cut dangers to one's sanity and purse, that be for sure, but hardly what one can call exciting.
On the afternoon o' the third day, however, shortly after they be a-enterin' the Kobold Forest, things pick up.
Har! Now I be a-bettin' me breaches and me sainted mum's priced antique petrified dung vase that you be a-wonderin' what a plot o' woods right smack in the middle of these here fine civilized counties be goin' around with a name like Kobold Forest. Well, therein be a hoot o' a tale, me laddies, worthy o' a king's ransom in rum, but sadly one for another time for it be a long one and a much debated one to boot. Monks and scholars and historians alike, you see, be a-arguin' as to what exactly happened on that there fateful day o' the Blightenin' and to how Lord Ghentric, Mistress o' Spindle Lake, a-captured and softened the cold withered heart o' the Kobold King.
Let me be a-tellin' instead but a part o' that there story, the one about Duke Fang-Grip and his promise to his lovestruck liege, though it be a-cuttin' me heart in twain and a-dashin' it against jagged rocks for the Ballad o' Lord Ghentric be a favorite o' mine, a beaut o' a song and popular, too. There be many versions o' the song, there be, and there be not a balladeer or minstrel in the realm that knows not, at the least, four o' them.
When the Kobold King followed his beloved into Myring Falls, he be a-askin' his liegeman, the stalwart Duke Fang-Grip, to vow on the Shaper's grave to lead the Clans away from the Devourer's shadow to settle down in the land of the Forefathers. And this he did to the letter, for be it not written that a kobold's word be its life and soul? Pity then the fool that be a-comin' between a kobold and its oath. Let us not be forgettin' the fate o' pompous ol' Honorable Piker, who dared to bamboozle Clam-Tongue, the Kobold Guardian, into betrayin' his trust and whose remains be yet to be found and whose family, it be said, be sold into slavery to work in misery and away from sun and sky in the mine o' the demon dwarves o' Shol.
It be a sight, I be tellin' you. A sight indeed! Har! To be a-seein' thousands, nay, millions o' them hulking brutes a-marching like soldiers across the plains, past towns and villages o' quiverin' folke, past cities a-tremblin' with wary and fright, past them stately manors o' lords and ladies o' the upper class. It tickles me to the bone, it does, simply thinkin' about. For lo! in the lonely forest o' Titterin' Stone did the Duke Fang-Grip find the Hermit's Well, into which, it be believed, the Shaper be pushed by his jealous wife, and where he stayed for nineteen days and nineteen nights and a quarter o' an hour. Thus it be that at the bottom o' that well did the Vision o' the Shade come into his wounded head and the path to Kobold's Shapin' be foretold and set. And thus did the sixteen Clans o' the Kobold Kingdom be a-settled down in Titterin' Stone and that be that. From then on, Titterin' Stone came to be known as the Kobold Forest.
But be a-fearin' not, for the kobolds, nasty, slaverin' buggers that they be, have long shed their wicked ways, no longer be they the minions o' the Noxious Devourer, no longer the bane o' man. However -- Huhn! Huhn! There always be that word, don't you be knowin' -- however, that don't be a-meanin' that kobolds be now a-pallin' around with us menfolke. No sireee, Cap'n Bob! They be neutral, they be. Neither friends o' man nor enemies. They be a-keepin' mostly to themselves and be a-leavin' all men alone. You can spend a month in these here Kobold Forest and not see a kobold. O' course, you can always be a-findin' them in the local Kobold Grove. They be a-runnin' them fine establishments after all. Safest haven for the weary traveller, if you be a-askin' me.
But I be digressin'. As much as it be hurtin' me, I be a-forcin' meself to be a-returnin' to this our story, the saga that be the chronicle o' Lady Rowena's abduction, for the night, she be late, and the fire be gutterin' on the last o' the good wood while the story be long and still far from quitin'.
Now then, where were we? Ah, yes! So there they be, our intrepid heroes, bored out o' their skulls, impatient and anxious to rescue the gracious lady. Then suddenly, as the road bends as roads be wont to be, and disappears behinds the trees, Riverwood, who, being trained in the ways o' the forest, has taken the lead be a-callin' the group to a halt. In answer to their questionin' looks, he gestures that they follow him slowly and quiet-like, like a cat on the prowl, for his keen elven ears have gone and picked up the unmistakable din o' orcs a-squabblin' over ill-gotten wealth.
Aye and sure enough, there be orcs. Several o' them, in fact, all a-squabblin' and screechin' at each other as they be a-scavengin' abouts the numerous dead bodies that lay strewn about two overturned wagons.
"Mine! Mine!" one be a-screechin' in the shrill squealin' tongue o' the orcs. "Let go, Mushmonger, or I bash you!"
"Bash me, Knoblegs? I bash you!" the other one be a-counterin'.
"Hee! Hee!" cries a third one, all filled with glee and malice. "Bash! Bash! Bash!"
